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6 Chores on the Honey-Do List You Don’t Actually Have to Do

By February 28, 2013October 16th, 2023No Comments

The dreaded “honey-do” list.

It’s the litany of tasks which must be performed in order to preserve marital harmony (oh, and to spruce up your home, too). These are the chores which inevitably become a time-suck every weekend during the months of the year which bring the best weather — time that could be allocated to more important projects, like drinking beer and/or watching the game on TV.

That’s stuff on his back? It’s called “honey-do.”

Thankfully, you can pare this list drastically by working smarter, not harder — all while staying out of the proverbial doghouse. Here are 6 “honey-do list” chores which you can avoid by employing a little ingenuity and forethought.

1. Mowing the lawn. Your spouse won’t like it if you throw money at every problem. But allowing a neighbor kid to mow your lawn every week or two can be couched as an investment. Play up the fact that you’re helping him save for college, where he can spend his time bettering himself and working to make a major contribution to society — instead of playing loud music and knocking a baseball through your window every year.

2. Washing the car. Again, you can appeal to your wife’s charitable side, pointing out how you’re being a good community citizen by bringing your vehicle to the fundraising car wash. Of course, it may take a little effort to find a different car wash every few weeks. And if you happen to stumble upon the event put on by the local community college cheerleaders… well, so much the better.

3. Raking leaves. This is where you put on your “citizen of the earth” hat and strive to improve the environment. Call up an organic farm or a produce cooperative and offer to donate your fallen leaves to the compost bin of an eco-friendly gardener. All they have to do is come by and pick them up — after they rake and bag them, of course.

Happy Man On Fallen leaves
“Thanks for all the compost leaves, bra! Peace out!”

4. Pulling weeds. It doesn’t have to be done that often, but your back is still smarting from the last time you did it. Here’s the solution: bring your dogs with you and sprinkle juice from chicken steak, or any other meat, all along the roots of the weeds. Then let your dogs do most of the heavy digging for a few hours while they follow their noses (and tongues). Then swoop in and pick up the loosened flora. Your back will thank you.

5. Scooping up dog scat. The downside to having a dog or two is their waste products which are incessantly cluttering the yard. This is where you enlist the aid of your children. Outfit them with surgical masks and latex or work gloves, give them each a bucket, and send them on a treasure hunt with a prize for whomever fills their bucket first. Think of it as putting on an “Easter egg hunt” multiple times per year!

6. Cleaning gutters. This one’s easy. Get gutter guards installed on your gutters. Debris stays out of your gutters, runoff water flows where it’s supposed to, and you never have to clean your gutters. Ever. See how smart you are?

“Thanks, honey. You’re the best!”